Wednesday, August 26, 2009

letter to blog

Hi Blog!

Look at you! You are here on the internet. Out in the big wide world. Are you making friends? You don't seem to write home often, or at all. I send you letters. Do you get them? Did you like the cookies I made for you? It is important that I send you cookies. You don't have to eat them. Obviously, I would like you to eat them. But I understand if you don't.  I just make the kind that come in the bag, pre-portioned and pre-frozen and all I do is shake them out on a baking sheet and cook them like fish sticks. But I make them for you. The whole time I am getting the bag out of the freezer and tearing the plastic open and dumping them out I am thinking, "Blog is going to love these cookies so much. She will be so delighted and think of me each time she eats one of these individually loved cookies." 

I am proud of you blog. For going out there with all those other blogs. There are a lot of blogs out there, I know you probably feel lost in the shuffle. But I know you are there. I think of you and write to you. You are important to me. You are just fine, blog.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Urban Bean

I think the Urban Bean girl thinks I am cheap.

I ordered my expected Chair Tea (by the way Urban Bean also has the Oregon Chai Green Tea which is also excellent) and as she turned to make my delciousness I saw that the totally was $3.90. Luckily, I had five actual dollars. Ok, I say to myself, four of these dollars will pay for chai and one will be tip. Why am I holding this money like a fan like this? I don't need her to see me put the dollar in the tip jar for me to know I tipped her. So I put the dollar in the mug, I did put it in lightly so it looked like it was just recently placed and gravity hadn't pulled into down into the depths of the coins. When she returned with my tea, she I gave her the four dollars and she gave me my ten cents back, I also dropped that into the tip mug. She saw that. So she knows I tip annoying coins, but she doesn't know that I gave her a dollar when she wasn't looking.

And then I went into the back room I had never sat in before and it became laptop station and everyone it there had the reusable mugs. I had the disposable cup, with lid and straw! I am the outcast. Most people in here are in their pajamas too. Or old and very wide with ice. 

Me, always the stand out.

Saturday, August 22, 2009


My eyes keep burning. Is that like when your ears are burning when someone is talking about you? Or when your nose itches someone is thinking about you? My eyes burn. Mainly when I put in my eye drops. Maybe my eye drops are really acid. Acid drops. Isn't Acid Pops a thing? Does that exist. Sometimes only one of the eyes will independently tear. My eyes are asserting their independence in this healing process. Funny. So much dripping.


Filled with metaphors.

Had my Lasik Eye Enhancement yesterday. Wasn't nearly as pleasant as the first time, a little bit Clockwork Orangey, unpleasant, but coming out the other side was amazing. I can see clearly for the first time sine January (metaphor alert). I am stunned at the details I can see, like a vampire's eyes (or so I've heard).  I feel awake. I still wear my space goggles at night and yesterday was a pretty uncomfortable five hours. When I finally decided to open my eyes I was a little nervous. I was afraid the flap would open up with my eyelids. I remember them painting it down after the laser happened. Weird. The eye doctor's were supposed to call me yesterday to see how I was doing. The didn't I even gave them the right number. I supposed it was too late, but I was ready. Turns out nobody called to check on me. I didn't tell my mom I was having the surgery done yesterday, won't she be surprised. It was kind of a last minute decision but I was still hoping I had slept through the phone. The best part of Lasik Eye surgery was listening to the Amanda and Brooke Radio show. It was pretty great. I also was sleepy on Valium. And walking like a drunk person. I didn't remember doing that last time but last time it was a quicker ride home and I had Wendy's this time I was in the car longer and on my Valium feet more so it was super fun getting to the futon. Weeee!!!!

In optimism there is magic.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009



That is all I can say.


Who else walks into a Caribou Coffee right after a 90 min Bikram yoga class, swiftly showered and immediately turns heads. 

And then is approached by an adoring fan, oohhing and ahhing over my sunglasses that aare perched atop my nested (non-showered) sweaty sticky hair. 

And I totally upped the coolness factor when I said they were $12 from a gas station. In North Dakota. 

And my fan assured me they looked nothing like a pair from a gas station. She kept talking about them. I kept looking and her one long tooth. She was smartly dressed, I am half dressed in this new shirt I bought that is lopsided (not on purpose) and braless. 

I also kept thinking, "how is this going to end?" Should I introduce myself? Are we friends now? 

Then my 20 oz of Chai tea showed up.

Saved my the chai.



Sunday, August 16, 2009

More chair tea talk

In my chai tea connoisseuring of the Twin Cities, the peppermint chai tea latte at the Tea Garden in pretty great. And just so you know Caribou Coffee, Urban Bean, and Starbucks all use the Oregon Chai you can buy at the store. But you cannot buy free Wi-Fi at the store. By the way, Starbucks makes you buy a Starbucks card to use the Wi-Fi, what is up with that. Dunn Bros has their own chai recipe, it is a bit spicer and deeper than the Oregon Chai. But the Tea Garden has so many options! The peppermint in my tea makes me think I can skip brushing them.


Why do I only eat chips today?

Not a mono diet. Cracked Salt and Pepper Kettle Cooked Lays and Cool Ranch Doritos.* Two members of the chip food groups. I think banana and bagel chips round out those basic four food groups. 

Kettle chips are loud. I prefer the Kettle chips to Doritos. Doritos I do not love, but enjoy. I will take Doritos out to movies, but I will not shave for them. Kettle chips, however, there is shaving, waxing and tweezing for and the agonizing which underwear will be the most alluring yet, most disguising of nervous butt sweat. 

Oh, kettle chips.

*Thanks for Geoff for the providing of such exquisite crunchies.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

up on the roof

Rooftop Parties.

It doesn't get any cooler than that. Unless you've spent more time on roofs having parties that on the earth. Unless you were so cool you only existed at rooftop parties.

Too bad we didn't have the fire.  The others did.

Prometheus steal fire from the gods for us.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Monday, August 10, 2009

Chair Tea

I shouldn't drink anymore Chai teas. I have had two today. The one I have right now is 20 oz. That is a lot of Chai tea. Is there caffeine in Chair tea? I would assume so. I like the taste a lot. On top of all the Chai, I am super excited about my apartment that I just signed the lease on. of for with where from.(hanging prepositions). It is really great. Top floor! So I can walk around naked! Hardwood floors! Cats allowed not extra deposit! Original cabinetry! Super tall walk-in closets! Windows! Doors! A built in thing! toilet! shower! Ceiling! Walls! Doorknobs! 

Saturday, August 8, 2009

It's about time I said something about the yogurt

I am getting so annoyed at single serving yogurt.

Yoplait cups are conical. Hasn't anyone noticed that? You can't get all the yogurt out of it because of the shape! The ridge at the top holds and hides the sweet, frosting gurt from the reach of your spoon. This causes the single serving yogurt consumer to dig around the smooth non-cylinder. You cannot dig on a smooth non-porous surface! You can't do it! All it does is scratch and scrape at nothing. This is no way to live a life! Pawing at a impenetrable layer(some may say that is my heart, TANGENT! and bad joke alert) They scrape and drag the spoon attempting to get the last bits of the chunky-strawberry, Boston creme, football flavored gurt that eludes them. Yogurt should be served in pudding cups, wide enough to get it all and wide enough to stick your face in it if you insist on eating every last bit of gurt.

Man, I hate single serving size yogurt.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Matt Albie

So is it possible for me to marry Matthew Perry's character from the DVD set of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip? Is it? I don't want to marry a DVD box set or anything crazy like that, but if his character could be enlarged to human size would someone let me know? And I don't mean through a Sanyo projector and a screen. I mean like a human. Can someone humanize that character for me? 

Maybe I am getting ahead of myself, I have only seen two episodes of the show. 

At least could that character become my Facebook friend? Then he and I can take it from there. 

Saturday, August 1, 2009


I have bought and consumed more chai teas in the last two weeks than ever in my entire life.

I never did that before.

And what better way to start living like I never did before.

on the beeten path

Secret Discovery or why am I always dressed askew?

I was apartment shopping in my favorite neighborhood. I was feeling good and looking odd. But still feeling good. Maybe I don't mesh with purple. Maybe it was the DJ root vegetable. But still I trotted along, judging apartment buildings by their front doors. I found a brick building that almost made me smile, it was OK. I wrote the number down and left a repetitious message. But then I saw a little sign in the road that said-Zinnia, fine folk arts of Mexico-open Fri and Sat. That seemed like something I wanted to check out, but my purple garden dance party t-shirt prevented me. I thought, why am I not dressed like the artsy-fartsy adult that I pretend to be, why I am dressed like an gangly prairie teenager right now? I debated to myself as I pranced purple-ly down the sidewalk. By the time I had circled the block I saw the sign again and saw that five people were inside the infrequently opened boutique, I decide they would rather have  spontaneous purple me in a T-shirt than no one, so I went in. Everyone was beautiful inside. The woman at the register was very friendly and the items inside were exquisite, fun and gorgeous. I had to fight the urge to buy something to prove that I could be in there. I did not need to overcompensate for my novelty tee, but I really wanted to. I forced myself to to take my time and explore the space(not in a theater way though). The ladies encouraged me to sign up for the mailing list and then assumed I was a school teacher. My t-shirt was super purple and had a beet wearing head phones at a turntable and said "Mixing Beets" obviously I was a school teacher.

All this talk to really just say, I discovered Zinnia Folk Arts( It was great. 

Hennepin Ave

There is a woman holding a cardboard Car Wash sign. She is yelling "Car Wash" to passing cars in a voice the would belong to a small injured child stuck in a well.

A woman on a bike said last week at least there were cheerleaders.