Tuesday, May 27, 2014

You’re invited to a BBQ! BYOMFTG:)

Hey! We are having a BBQ! We really hope you can come! It starts at noon; don’t arrive any earlier than noon, but no later than 1:30pm.
Here are the details!

It’s BYOB! Also BYOMFTG:), (that’s bring your own meat for the grill*, smiley face!) Also, please bring a side dish to share. Email me within ten minutes of receiving this email to confirm what side you are bringing so there is no overlap. When selecting sides to bring, think paleo, which means no dairy, vegetable oils, legumes, sugars, potatoes, grains, pseudo-grains or glutens.

FYI: If you have a foldable, portable or lightweight camp chair, one of those director chairs that fold or favorite reclining chair, please bring it! We have one backyard bench that seats four, so if sitting is something you imagine you might what to participate in, please bring your own chair.

*If you are bringing something for the grill, remember to bring your own grill because we have a lot of vegans, pretend vegans, food allergies and people who just don’t like the taste of one type of grilled meat touching another type of grilled meat. (If you bring Ahi Tuna steaks, remember that also makes a great hostess gift. Yum! Smiley face!)

There will be lawn games, if you bring a lawn game. If you do choose to bring a lawn game, bring some grass seed to reseed the areas on which you’ll be playing.  In the vein of keeping a sense of fun and relaxation at the BBQ, we aren’t allowing parking on our block, since a line of cars on the street can looks icky, it also hurts the feelings of the neighbors who did not get invited. If you do choose to drive your car, you can park over at the high school and walk the quick 15 blocks to our house!  Please do not take a shortcut through anyone’s lawn. The neighbors who did not get invited may not invite me to be part of the neighborhood garage sale next year.

Significant others are welcome, if you do choose to bring a significant other, please have them stay by your side the whole afternoon, that way no one thinks they are a random creeper that walked into the yard and calls the police. NOTE: If you’ve recently had a break-up** (Dan, Julia and Donna) We advise you not to bring a significant other since you may be playing fast and loose with your romantic companions right now therefore, means it’s unlikely the people you will bring will be an asset to the afternoon. If you choose to ‘hook-up’ with someone at the BBQ, please make sure they are one of the aforementioned single people (Dan, Julia and Donna) so as not to increase the already tense suspicions about fidelity between the spouses in attendance.

** “Recently” is defined as in the last year. Nikki, this does not include you. Your break-up was six years ago and we’d love to see you at the BBQ with a date. Any date, and please don’t bring a small dried fruit because you think that is funny. Mom always said your sense of humor would be the reason your eggs would expire.
If you are exploring new forms of love and relationships, you are welcome to bring those participants (Men, women, other) but please don’t go into a complicated explanation about it. You can feel free to use the code word “someone I know from work,” to indicate you are sexually intimate with this person without sharing a label (boyfriend, girlfriend, mid-life crisis affair, Tinder Hookup). Speaking of Tinder, please don’t use it at the BBQ, I’d rather you not interact with my husband in that manner.

Children are always welcome, but only if they’ve already graduated from High School. Since we raise our lawn as it would be in the wild, our backyard ecosystem is too delicate to withstand the unpredictable scampering of children who have yet to complete their high school diploma. Our grass is much more accustomed to the light rustling of wild squirrels and rabbits. If you have wild squirrels or rabbits, feel free to bring them along. (Please indicate whether they are pets or BYOMFTG:)).