A Dialogue with my self

SELF: Good job self on pretty much not blogging for a whole month.

OTHER SELF: Hey now Self, don't be so sarcastic and mean. You just put up a wonderful Comedybration that people are still talking about. (www.comedybration.com)

SELF: It was only on Friday.

OTHER SELF: Cut that out right now. You worked hard on that. You wrangled folks in LA and MPLS, made props, marketing the thing, wrote the thing, edited it, directed and and learned your own lines in it.

SELF: Define "learned my own lines" I did some improvising.

OTHER SELF: But that is one of your skill sets, Self! Don't sell yourself short. You gave out prizes in your show. It was awesome.

SELF: People like prizes.

OTHER SELF: Also Self, did you even notice that you opened a show the week before your Comedybration? And that your first semester of grad school ended the same day the Comedybration opened? And joined a theatre company?

SELF: Well, the other show is...

OTHER SELF: The other show is Flanagan's Wake the an interactive Irish wake, you had to learn the lines, practice the improv and drive to St. Paul with your broken car every night for tech week, after already working the whole day and then having a comedybration rehearsal.

SELF: I supposee..

OTHER SELF: No, you don't 'suppose.' It's ok that you let posting on this blog slip when the other plates you were spinning had to keep spinning.

SELF: But I made an unofficial promise to post on this blog everyday for a whole year.

OTHER SELF: Plans can change! Accept that you can't plan life, you can try but things change. You wouldn't have traded any of these awesome things that happened this past 30 days?

SELF: Well, I wish my car wasn't broken.

OTHER SELF: All or nothing, Self. All or nothing.

SELF: In that case, no, I wouldn't have traded anything in the past 30 days in order to keep my blogging everyday record up.

OTHER SELF: See?

SELF: Yes, I see.

OTHER SELF: Why are you still being a gloomy gus, Self?

SELF: I don't know, that's just how Heather keeps writing me.

OTHER SELF: Oh. Well, wear this hat.

(OTHER SELF puts cowboy hat covered in blue feathers and tiny dump trucks on SELF's head.)

SELF: What is this?

OTHER SELF: I don't know. But I am sure we can make a metaphor about it.

SELF: At least this isn't a real play where a props person had to make this hat.

OTHER SELF: That's true Self. That's true.

SELF: Let's got eat Pad Thai.

OTHER SELF: Yes!

The End

Things are happening!

I know I have been lack in my blogging! That is what happens when I am blogging on my favorite holiday, FIBERUARY at www.fiberuary.com

But as Fiberuary winds down, my next favorite, not made up holdiay is gearing up, Women's History Month which this year I am celebrating with a show: Women's History Month: The Historical Comedybration (with fabulous prizes) check it out at www.comedybration.com

Celebrate!

Open Letter to The Fancy Grocery Store

Dear Grocery Store Employee Who Bagged My Purchases Today,

Hello sir, I'm sure you recognize me. I am the woman who purchases grocery store sushi from your establishment about once a week or so. You, of course, being a competent and valued part of the Lund's Grocery Store experience certainly strive to exemplify the class, expertise and helpfulness that Lund's prides itself on.

I always enjoy a trip to Lund's. I am aware that the extra money I pay on the inflated prices on all things is paying for the artfully merchandised produce section, the constant samples of free cheese and the absence of a self-check out lane. Your store has an olive bar, Himalayan rock salt and of course, my favorite place, the ready to go sushi.

I always enjoy standing over the selections of rolls and nigri that your sushi chefs make each day. I appreciate the care in which the chef drizzles spicy sauce in a clever zigzag and each roll dotted with the perfect amount of fish row or crushed wasabi peas.

Thank you for understanding that my addition to grocery store sushi saves me time and money every time I jones for raw fish, helping me to dash in to your store rather than belly up by myself to the closest sushi bar. You provide me a quick, easy, portable fix.

With all of this convenience and knowledge that you provide the public, why is it then upon check out you make a metaphorical "You can suck it!" to my patronage of your store? I understand that packing groceries is an art, but I wonder if there is a special masters certificate in the proper way to place a container of delicately prepared sushi into a paper bag? I would think that the sushi must lay flat in the bag, not on the side nor on it's end to prevent the nicely lined up rolls from falling into each other and creating a sushi slush party. That is just what I would assume would be the correct way. But the style you displayed today was that you filled the bag full of bananas first and then slide my delightful sushi container standing on it's end. Which of course meant that zigzags of eel sauce and spicy mayo became a graffiti of condiments as the rice and cucumbers joined a mosh pit of particles. It no longer looked like beautiful sushi, but instead, it was that scene in Trainspotting, you know the one don't make me describe it, but it involves a toilet.

Please correct me if this is the proper way to present sushi. I feel like I do have experience the matter, due to my uncontrollable addiction to all sushi, hence my constant need to a quick hit from the Lund's grocery store.

So stop putting the sushi in the bag on it's end. You wouldn't do that with a cake, would you? Sushi is the same principle. I am more than willing to come in and teach a class on the proper way to pack sushi in a grocery bag, you can pay me in grocery store sushi.

Sincerely,

Heather Meyer

Something in Memphis

It's Monday! I've missed two blog posts this weekend.

Because I am in Memphis and Memphis becomes a time warp. I forget the days, I have limited access to internet and I am bombarded with 30 sec snippets of all the broadway songs professional actors have to offer.

Plus I ate gater chili nachos and a fired baloney sandwich yesterday. Things are pretty something.

I will return to MN tomorrow. Then things will be something

Historical Donuts: sidebar

Remember my donut essays? Well this isn't an essay just a sidebar on the donut if my life.

Today I stood over free donuts and debating. Why? There was only one filled donut. That is the one I was going to get. But instead if selecting that pastry, I went through the trouble of opening the other box as if it held better surprises. In fact the other box contained fewer and no filled donuts. I wasted time doing that and risked other people taking the last filled donut.

But don't worry I pushed aside the dude eyeing my mystery filled donut( man, I wish that was a euphemism) and grabbed it. The lemon goodness was mine.

Lesson learned: don't waste donut time.

Airport smells!

The Memphis airport smells like barbeque. It is the best smelling airport in the world. All airports should smell like the cuisine of the area. Minneapolis would smell like.....Jucy Lucys........knephla soup.....that rotten lye fish dish all the Scandavians talk about at holiday time....maybe this isn't such a good idea.

Post title.

Blog post! Blog post. Blog post.
Read between the lines.
Blog post. Blog post. Blog post.
There is nothing between the lines.
Blog post. Blog post. Blog post.
Lazy lazy type
Blog post. Blog post. Blog post.