Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Top of Queue: Adam Richman

I have a crush on Adam Richman, which is slightly more sane than the crush that lead to the great Fake Date with a Semi-Married Man of 2009.

But back to Adam Richman, the host of Travel Channel's Man v. Food show. Adam is enthusiastic, friendly, social and a culinary adventurer. I am also those things. He's appealing in a man-who-can-eat-giant-cheeseburgers kind of way. But he's not a bow(e)lful of jelly, even though his job is to eat massive amounts of saturated fats. Does that make sense? Probably not, Google him, you'll see.


And he has a Master's degree from the Yale School of Drama. I tried to get a Master's degree from the Yale School of Drama and they gave me a fancy letter saying 'there were many qualified applicants this year...' instead. I'll frame that and put that on my wall; Resumebuilder!

But I think I might be mainly attracted to his job. The premise of his show is to eat all the crazy challenges that restaurants invent like 'eat this giant burger made of a live goat in two minutes' or "eat these wings covered in battery acid for a t-shirt." He takes on those challenges. He doesn't always win.

Secretly, now publicly, I want to have that show. I would lose a lot, but I would win more than expected.

Case in point:

I recently went to New Orleans and had two goals; to eat a muffaletta sandwich and drink a sazerac. A sazerac is made like this:

  • 3 oz rye whiskey
  • 3/4 oz simple syrup
  • Peychaud bitters to taste
  • absinthe or absinthe substitute
  • lemon twist for garnish


And a muffaletta:

1 10" round loaf Italian bread with Sesame seeds
1 Recipe Olive Salad
1/4 lb Genoa Salami
1/4 lb Ham
1/4 lb Mortadella
1/4 lb Mozzarella
1/4 lb Provolone


In the resturant, I was given a look when I ordered the sazerac, a look that said, "you are going to need to be carried out of here, little lady.' And then when I ordered a whole not half muffeletta sandwich, I got another look that said, "Out of towner, you know nothing and now I have to carry a sandwich out here that is heavy and you will not finish."

I noticed those looks. And knew what the unspoken challenge/doubt was. I had to eat that entire sandwich and drink my drink of demons.

The sandwich was huge, think about a football size loaf of bread and stuff it full of rich meats, cheeses and olives. Very filling.

And the sazerac made me do the head shake everytime I drank it.

I cut the sandwich in quarters and began eating, I could tell each time the waiter came out to check on us he was checking on my progress on my mountain range of sandwich. Soon I was down to one last quarter of sandwich, and I was full. So I downed the rest of my sazerac and put the last bit of sandwich in my purse. I didn't need to eat until I was uncomfortable, but I did hide the sandwich so the server would think I had eaten it all. And he did, he was so excited that he told me, 'Rarely does anyone order a whole let alone finish the  whole muffaletta, I (the server) can't even make it through half."

I knew I was sightly fraudulent, but I know my abilities and I made his day. And he wasn't ugly.

Back to my eating challenges. When I went to Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville in Cozumel.
Here is me and my mom! We are pirates!
(I know it is upside down, turn your laptop over, dummy)

After the pre-dinner chips and watery ketchup salsa were brought out, I asked for the spicer salsa that was offered but not brought out (because my mom is afraid of spices, but she did tell me she uses oregano.). The server looked at me as if I was a wet kitten and said, "We use jalapenos in that ma'am.'

My pale skin shone brightly and my northern prairie woman features tightened: this was another, underestimating challenge.

"Bring it out." I said, knowing now I would not only have to eat the salsa, but eat all of the salsa and wear the bowl as a dental dam. (too much?)

The salsa did show up and it was very spicy. And I ate all of it.

Here I am before the salsa and in the middle of a festive drink

Not because I was that hungry, but because I was that proud.

Naomi thought this blog should just be a photo of Adam Richman with kissy lips all over it. Obviously, I am way deeper than that and I don't know how to use Photoshop. 

1 comment:

Rachel Teagle said...

I have a Burger Challenge for you, I think your boyfriend Mr. Richman has taken this on: The Double Coronary Burger at the Vortex Grill down the street from my house - http://www.cheese-burger.net/photos/vortex-grill-double-coronary-burger.html
They use grilled cheese sandwiches instead of buns.