Saturday, August 27, 2011

How to take good pictures: A satire

Don't worry aspiring photographers. There are ten easy rules to taking great pictures. 

I also found a bunch of photos I took, please be impressed with my skills.


Rules to taking good photos:

1. Take a photo of something really close up. Make sure it is in focus. If it is not in focus then...

Ooh! A close-up of a cut red pepper!
 Doesn't it look like lady parts?
2. Make it black and white. Black and white can turn any crappy photo into a magical metaphor image things.

3. Take a photo of shoes. This is especially important if you want to be a wedding photographer. Shoes equal love and togetherness and family.

4. Take a photo with some type of reflection in a mirror. The mirror can be anything a silver goblet, car mirror, gold tooth.

5. Hands. Any photo of hands is going to win you a Noble Peace Prize for Science. They are that good.

6. Don't forget to take a picture of shoes. Wedding shoes, solider shoes, baby shoes, horseshoes, cement shoes.

Shoes on vacation!
7. Put a fancy something next to a ugly dirty something. Goes better together than chocolate and peanut butter and hay.

8. Have someone jump. Even if they are a mermaid. Especailly if they are a mermaid. People love photos of jumping. Because people never jump in real life.

9. Find a pregnant lady. Make her show you her belly. Put her in any situation (climbing a tree, smelling a brand new car). Take a picture of that.

10. Cats. There never are too many cat photos.

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