Sunday, March 7, 2010

The job for me!

Career Assesment: An Outline

The Disection of Heather Meyer-Her Skills

1. Spy Skills.
A. Sneaking
1. Avoiding people
2. Getting close to people
3. Being undetected
4. Quiet footsteps
5. Slipping through doors
B. Surveillance
1. Pattern Recognition
2. Knowledge of human nature
3. Google
4. 20/15 Vision
5. Chronic promptness
C. Cool Outfits
1. The Grommet Coat
2. Leggings as pants
3. Adrogenous T-Shirts

1. Theatre Skills
A. Acting
1. Assuming a Character
2. Improvisation
3. Sincereity
4. Swift Memorization
B. Physical Competence
1. Fitness
2. Power tools
3. Gun Safety
4. Three-ball Juggling

C. Adoration of Ibsen Cannon
1. Brand
a. Brand and I are married.
2. Peer Gynt
a. Shut up already, fourth act
3. We We Dead Awaken
a. Pax Vorbiscum
4. Ghosts
a. again with the syphillis
5. Hedda Gabler
a. Hedda is a Libra
6. The Wild Duck
a. Fucking Gregers.

C. Black Market Doctor.
1. Reiki
a. The cats and stingrays know
b. The bugs too
2. Salads with no Dressing
a. Spinach
b. Squash for breakfast
c. time-travel watermelon
3. Personal Experience
a. Rolfing
b. Bikram yoga
c. Massage Therapy
d. That girl who used to be a red-tailed hawk.

It looks like the perfect job for me is the person who delivers subpoenas. I can sneak up to them and pretend to be innocent and non-threatening and then Pow! you have been served!

I can remember that line.

But my friends wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. They would think I might at anytime serve them. And not as a waiter (if you notice balance and carrying heavy plates of food is not in my skill set.)

And it looks cool in movies.

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