Internet, tell me a white lie

Dear Internet,   The Internet just informed me that my epic High School/Grade school/Beyond crush was married in January. He is married. This really affects me. Why? I don't know. I guess I always thought of him as a safe fantasy. But now he is married. I felt this way when Miss Eternal-Bags-Under-Her-Eyes took him to the prom. Why does the Internet know everything? Not that I ever really talked to this guy other than stammering self-consciously in 11th grade English class during an assignment about what would one need on a desert island. I said a swimming pool. I also remember having the fly on my black corduroy pants be down next to him during a movie in 10th grade and trying to figure out a subtle way to zip my fly back up, realizing now he wasn't ever looking at me and I could have just zipped it up and no one would have ever know but now I am telling the internet. I feel like I just missed some sort of deadline, like had I Googled him earlier, he would never have gotten married and could stay forever in my head as the guy I totally could have been with if I really wanted to. But he is married. I never would have guessed it. But I should have figured it out I have excellent taste. But I am a little bit vulnerable since I am coming off the best friend's wedding thing where I was the most attractive and least married of all the bridesmaids and the only person that wanted to dance with me was the gay friend of the groom. I just wanted some Internet comfort food, some gazing at my untouchable crush and then he goes and gets married. Who am I to pine for now?   This is worse than my apartment manager thinking I have morning sickness when really I am doubled over from the lactose in the Caribou Coffee chai tea.

Stop it.

Stop typing symptoms into the internet, no good will come of that. Do not click on any of those inticing yahoo.about answers to your questionable pain. You have already taken ibuprofen no need to complicate it will Google fears. Keep eating your fruit bar, blame it on staying up later, drinking too much caffeine and not eating enough of anything. Stop it. Google is not an oracle. Google doesn't have all the answers. yet.

Mystical Creatures

I really like sea serpents. I think they exist. I have dreams about them. I just recently watched a DVD of Monster Hunters and I really enjoyed Watching the Sea Serpent Searchers. I was not are enjoying the Cubacara information or the Jersey Devil info. I think it is that the Sea Serpent is more biological and easily to explain and find. The other two are more alien and other realm-ly and the proof of their existence opens a whole new level of realization and that is new and unfamiliar.

But I like Sea Serpents.

woo t?

Woot.

Where did that come from?

Woot-a joyful sound, like hooray, but a word.

I had never heard "woot" until about a year ago. Is it from somewhere? Is it new? I always thought it was the word "woo."
Woo-derived from woo-hoo a celebratory cry.

Like, "Woooooooooo!" we won the Superbowl, or something like that. Now I hear woot. And not from an isolate group but across all people I meet. Have people always been saying 'woot?' Did I just never hear the 't' and the end? I even see it typed. Is is recent as I have been noticing? Or is an ancient word of expressed delight?

Why had I never heard before last year? Now it surrounds me. Is it from some TV or movie? Or has it always been woot?

Has it always been woot?

?

Morning Aliments

Why does my ear hurt? I just woke up, I couldn't have done something to it in the 15 minutes I have been awake. How does packing chicken salad for lunch hurt my ear? Or making weak single cups of Powerade? Why does my ear hurt.

Is that a spider bite on my leg? Did a five-fanged spider bite my side-upper calf? Was it a tarantula? A huge sneaky tarantula? Shouldn't it itch? It doesn't itch. Where are my super powers?

My gum hurts. I flossed why does it hurt? It feels like it is sandwiches between my molars, like fingers in a door. I flossed, what more does it need? Poking? Does it need poking? More floss? Does it want more floss?

The snow is alive with the sound of tires spinning

Major Snow Day today!

Just when Minnesota was lulled into thinking winter had hid its head in the sand for the season. Ta-Da! Like mutilated angels, pounds of the white stuff insulated the area. No visibility, calf deep thickness on the roads and cars stuck left and right.

I had no fear. I knew to stick to the major thoroughfares that are plowed first, maintain an even speed and avoid drifts. No stuckness for me.

Until ten minutes ago. I was pleased with my abilities this evening and even push the envelope by chivalrously flattening some snow on the road for others, when I turned into my parking lot.

And got stuck, in my own parking lot. Somme helpful guys pushed me down the little hill and then I got stuck again trying to park. They pushed me again and I finally parked.

I got stuck twice six feet from home.

I am a little embarrassed.

Check it out!

Yeah, I made an application video or audition tape. For the> best job in the world.
That is what they call it. Brief summary: Live on Hamilton Island on the Great Barrier Reef. Encourage the awesomeness that is the area.
Plus for both Hamilton Island Tourism and me!

I am scarily perfect.

Enthusiasm,
Creativity
and relevant experience.

I used to work in an aquarium and was a tour guide. And I am a writer.

here is the link.

http://www.islandreefjob.com/applicants/watch/hM4NHF0sLVI

Check it out!