Dear Grocery Store Employee Who Bagged My Purchases Today,
Hello sir, I'm sure you recognize me. I am the woman who purchases grocery store sushi from your establishment about once a week or so. You, of course, being a competent and valued part of the Lund's Grocery Store experience certainly strive to exemplify the class, expertise and helpfulness that Lund's prides itself on.
I always enjoy a trip to Lund's. I am aware that the extra money I pay on the inflated prices on all things is paying for the artfully merchandised produce section, the constant samples of free cheese and the absence of a self-check out lane. Your store has an olive bar, Himalayan rock salt and of course, my favorite place, the ready to go sushi.
I always enjoy standing over the selections of rolls and nigri that your sushi chefs make each day. I appreciate the care in which the chef drizzles spicy sauce in a clever zigzag and each roll dotted with the perfect amount of fish row or crushed wasabi peas.
Thank you for understanding that my addition to grocery store sushi saves me time and money every time I jones for raw fish, helping me to dash in to your store rather than belly up by myself to the closest sushi bar. You provide me a quick, easy, portable fix.
With all of this convenience and knowledge that you provide the public, why is it then upon check out you make a metaphorical "You can suck it!" to my patronage of your store? I understand that packing groceries is an art, but I wonder if there is a special masters certificate in the proper way to place a container of delicately prepared sushi into a paper bag? I would think that the sushi must lay flat in the bag, not on the side nor on it's end to prevent the nicely lined up rolls from falling into each other and creating a sushi slush party. That is just what I would assume would be the correct way. But the style you displayed today was that you filled the bag full of bananas first and then slide my delightful sushi container standing on it's end. Which of course meant that zigzags of eel sauce and spicy mayo became a graffiti of condiments as the rice and cucumbers joined a mosh pit of particles. It no longer looked like beautiful sushi, but instead, it was that scene in Trainspotting, you know the one don't make me describe it, but it involves a toilet.
Please correct me if this is the proper way to present sushi. I feel like I do have experience the matter, due to my uncontrollable addiction to all sushi, hence my constant need to a quick hit from the Lund's grocery store.
So stop putting the sushi in the bag on it's end. You wouldn't do that with a cake, would you? Sushi is the same principle. I am more than willing to come in and teach a class on the proper way to pack sushi in a grocery bag, you can pay me in grocery store sushi.