Thursday, February 28, 2008

Rick Reilly, it is all your fault.

Rick Reilly, you are the reason I have not been blogging. You are the reason my home is a mess and the cause of my debilitating case of procrastination. And you know what? I don't even subscribe to Sports Illustrated. It's your book. No, I can't sneeze fifteen minutes away each week on your column, I have the whole book, 100 columns, 100 reasons to not do stuff. And such easy chunks. How many times have I said to myself this week, "Oh, I'll just read one." One turns into two which turns in to reading fifteen columns and I am laughing, crying and contemplating my way to presidency of  ProcrastiNation

I haven't picked up my tennis balls in months but it's not serendipity that I am reading your book. I used to read your column, like a real sports fan once a week from a subscription in my high school years. Then you had become my favorite columnist and I had easily packed you away as I ventured on my artistic career. But now you are back in my life, all 318 pages of you. 

I am supposed to be the opposite of an athlete. I am an artist, for Pete's sake, even better an actor. I am not supposed to be interested in the lives of professional golfers, high school football teams or even figure skating. 

Rick, let me tell you. Tomorrow is the opening night of my directing and playwriting debut and this past week I have laundry list of details to complete including finding appropriate "I am a director" clothes that say well-dressed and artsy at the same time. But this has be usurped by lounging on the couch soaking up columns from six years ago about you coaching girls basketball. Six years ago! 

And let me tell you, if you think coaching is hard. Direct a play. There I am the coach, but I can only coach them in practice and come the big game is it all up to the players. I don't get to call 'time' when things suck to say, "We're dying out there, quick I wrote this new dialogue, get in there and emote!" No substitutions and if any pulls a hammy, they better not let the audience figure it out. Man, I broke my ACL in a show once and did I get to be on the DL?  And there is no score board. I can't strategize how many points we need to get the lead back. The audience doesn't hold up score cards letting me know how the show is going. We are just supposed to know. 

Yeah, Rick Reilly, everything is all your fault. 

1 comment:

PropTart said...

And don't forget: you are so SICK of PEARS!! Brilliant post. You are the best director EVER!