Legume show you brilliance.

Snack Review with footnotes: Planter’s NUT-rition line of nut mixes.

Yesterday between work and a show, I was looking for a belly filler. Already at Target, I tried to pretend that I am a healthy eater, I searched for snacks in the nut aisle at Target. I made the world's best discovery ever: The Planter's NUT-rition mixes are awesome.

First:

Awesomely sized. Like Goldilocks sized. Not too big, not too small. Good old fashioned medium sized. No doubt that a can of nut mix will fill me.

Second:

Variety! Assorted nuts and seeds and dried fruits! Hooray, many choices for the peanut avoider like me. Most of the mixes didn’t even include the stupid legume*

Third:

There are sorted by health benefits! Like vitamins in the vitamin aisle. One of my favorite things ever! There was the Omega-3 Mix, Digestive Health Mix, Antioxidant Mix, South Beach Diet Mix (which has its own Facebook page ),Energy Mix, Heart Healthy and Bone Health Mix. So many choices! I was stumped. First I wanted the Omega-3 Mix because of the delicious-ness in side and for my recent hobby of thinking about wrinkles. And Bone Health was exciting, I am a woman after all and calcium is good! And it is Women's Health Week (shout-out to Naomi for telling me) And Energy Mix had chocolate covered things in them!

The labels on the NUT-rition mixes look like vitamin labels. Or at least they do to me. This is brilliant marketing. Selling what you already have: nuts, by giving people what they want: health. So simple. So genius.

I applaud the strategy and the product. Because, I am sure other nut mixes achieve some of these same goals, but the Planter’s mixes tell me upfront and I get to choose what type of nutrition. It gives me some power of choice but not too much.  Since there are only seven mixes not a hundred from which to choose. Nice work Planter’s, someone should get a raise. And the mix is delicious.

I chose the Digestive Health Mix because fiber always wins me over. And there were pistachios (smishsmachios) in it.

From the Planter’s website:

Digestive Health Mix

This succulent blend of pistachios, almonds, tart cranberries, crunchy granola clusters and sweet cherries is an excellent source of dietary fiber, which helps promote digestive health.

• 150 calories
• 8g total fat (1g saturated fat, 0g trans fat, 2g polyunsaturated fat, 5g monounsaturated fat)
• Low saturated fat
• Low sodium (40mg per serving)

Excellent source of the following:

• Dietary Fiber

Good source of the following:

• Vitamin E
• Copper
• Magnesium
• Manganese

Each serving (8 in each can) was 20% of my daily dietary fiber in take. 20%! That beats FiberOne bars (unless you eat them by the box like I do)! I was sold.

I ended up eating over half the can in the car. That is around 5 servings. Let’s do the math. 5 x 20 + 100% I achieve maximum fiber load by eating these awesome nuts. But the thing was I was eating in the car because I was on my way to an improv show in a far away superb. And there was no stopping. I hoped that the fiber would be slow going and I wouldn’t feel the full effects of the NUT-rition Digestive Health mix until after the show.

And hoping usually works, right? It did, there was no explosion other that the improvised ones.

I love the Planter’s NUT-rition mixes! I want to try them all, however, the Digestive Health Mix is so awesome that it will be hard to not just keep buying that one.****

*I love all legumes. They are my favorite food group and a staple of my yearly month-long celebration of Fiberuary. But regular old peanuts are so boring. Unless they are salted in shells. Then that is an activity snack** Put them in a butter or a spicy noodle dish, then we can talk.***

**Shelled peanuts and hard boiled eggs are an exception to the “too much work to eat” rule. Non-exceptions are crab legs, crawfish,

***My opinion only, you can go ahead and love up on peanuts all you want. Noting against peanuts, I know peanuts are a big part of Planter’s identity. I should know I was Liz in the Book of Liz by the Talent Family: Amy and David Sedaris and there’s a giant Mr. Peanut in that play. So don’t get all angry OK?

****Constructive Feedback: There are too many dried cranberries in the mix ratio. 

Carrots with Eyes!

What the hell is a yumberry?

Life tip #1: adding berry on the end of anything instantly makes it delicious and awesome. Example yogurt flavors, fruit juices and sports drink colors.

Look I prove it:


Weatherberries and Celestialberries:
Rainberry, windberry, snowberry, sleetberry, hailberry, sunberry, moonberry, starberry, Marsberry, cometberry, planetberry, nebulaeberry, thunderberry, fogberry, hazeberry, dawnberry, eveberry, nightberry, noonberry, orbitberry, stormberry, drizzleberry, sprinkleberry, iceberry, partlycloudyberry

Eatberries:
Noodleberry, soupberry, breadberry, tonicwaterberry, tomatoberry, lettuceberry, burgerberry, pickleberry, potatoberry, stewberry, pieberry, cakeberry, brownieberry, cookieberry, eggberry, baconberry, toastberry, roastberry, porkberry, hamberry, spamberry, bolognaberry, pimentoloafberry, crackerberry, hummusberry

Numberberries:
oneberry, twoberry, threeberry, fourberry, fiveberry, sixberry, firstberry, secondberry, TRIPLEberry, fourthberry, unoberry, millionberry, negativesevenberry, piberry, 4982berry, xequalsberry, solveforsberry, proofberry, triangleberry, sphereberry, hypotenuseberry, rightangleberry

Envelopeberries:
murderberry, immigrationberry, rapeberry, gunfightberry, abortionberry, rustnailberry, brokenneedleinarmberry, nomoreherionberry, maritimelawberry, nuclearberry, arsonberry, suicideberry, posionberry, constipationberry, rabiddogberry, thekittenwasbornwithnofaceberry, barefootandpregnantinthekitchenberry.


Berry makes everything ok.

VALIDATION!!!!!

After faithfully creating something everyday and writing yesterday's long photo/blog post detailing my highlight reel ambitions....today on the 22nd day, I have become a highlight!!! Dreams really do come true.

My creation from yesterday made it on the highlights for June 21st!

I was here. Uptown Cafeteria and Support Group and it is as cool as it seems but there is a patio and $5 martinis (that are more like lemonade in a triangle glass). I ordered a Monte Cristo, to which the waitress said, "That's a bold choice," forcing me to up the ante (reminiscent of this not the crush part, the underestimation of me by waitstaff)  and order fries along with it. Bring on the fried-ness. My heart attack will be worth it.


I am taking full credit for this creation even through other people were there. (And I spent much of my time eavesdropping on the blind date behind me) Steph tried to put a ray gun (fried bit of Monte Cristo) on one of the guys but it fell off. Alex helped too somehow but I don't remember how. Mary moved one of the guys into place, so I guess she was like a choreographer. Michaela did stuff too but I mainly remember myself bossing her around to move the silverware out of the photo.

Here is what I made today.

(It's sideways, just move your computer, dummy)

Really pushing at the highlight reel again. Once is never enough, obviously (Naomi's been up there at least three times!)


There were a lot of links in this blog post. Good work at stating the obvious, Heather.

And a lot of name-dropping happened here, that is if my friends were famous.
(But Sven Sundgaard was there wearing a bright orange workout jersey and being all short and pseudo-famous.)

Cease and Desist Letter from United States Bread Council

May 24th, 2010
Re: The Culture of Doing Things Blog 
Confession: Double Down Sandwich

Dear Ms. Meyer:

Pursuant to my rights under federal culinary identification  laws, I am requesting that you cease and desist referring to the chicken/bacon/sauce/cheese/chicken entree as a sandwich. A sandwich is defined as the marriage between bread surrounding a filling. Bread must be included in any description of a sandwich and the Double Down Entree at KFC does not include any bread, therefore it is illegal to be referred to as a sandwich as you so carelessly did in your recent blog entitled Confession: Double Down Sandwich.

You are hereby notified that if you do not comply with this request, I will immediately file a complaint with the Federal Culinary Commission and the Minnesota Attorney General’s office. Civil and criminal claims will be pursued.

Sincerely,

M. Rye Bread
Commissioner of United States Bread Council

Confession: Double Down Sandwich

The most grown-up thing in the world in choosing a health care plan. Since I have changed employers, I have had a 'qualifying life event,' that provides me the opportunity to choose a new health care plan, and because at the end of the month my former employer's plan is over.

So I guess I need to choose a plan this week.

I found it interesting that after checking boxes both that said I was A) non-smoker B)Declining chemical dependency care C)Healthy as a horse; that all I really wanted to do was go eat that Double Down Sandwich from KFC.

I couldn't control the thoughts. I really wanted to eat that sandwich. As a culinary adventurer, I felt it was my duty to eat that sandwich.

You know that sandwich, the one with bacon, cheese and sauce sandwiched between two fried chicken breasts.

I don't like bacon.

But I must eat that sandwich.

No, I must pick a health care plan.

Sandwich.


So I went for the sandwich. One of the advantages of the new job is my mighty fine location a breath away from my favorite food location in all of the Twin Cities, the Midtown Global Market.

That is not where that sandwich lives. The sandwich lives at KFC across the street from the Midtown Global Market.

I went there. It was empty except for the grey-haired couple in front of me. I see so many signs for the sandwich everywhere. Did you know that you can order the Double Down Sandwich grilled? The elderly couple in front of me was taking a long time to decided what to order. I was having seconds thoughts. I haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant in almost a year, what was I doing standing in a KFC? I  eat meat for entertainment (make sex jokes now) and have been thoroughly entertained without the meat (the food) in that past few weeks. Why am I here?

I am here for the sandwich.

The old woman in front of me asks the cashier, "What's that sandwich that everyone is taking about?"

I want to scream, "THE DOUBLE DOWN SANDWICH!" The sandwich's headshots are plastered all over the restaurant. It was like going in to Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. and kept asking what movie did Tom Hanks, ride a lawn mower, grew a bread and meat fifteen presidents while playing ping pong in a storm of slow floating feathers.

The old woman orders the sandwich, I fear for her life. I fear for my life before that sandwich and I can at least read the menu.

Finally, its my turn. I order that sandwich, original (code for FRIED) not grilled. I am going all out on this one. And I order a side of baked beans for strategy (I thought they would be a good escort to usher the Double Down out before I was doubled over.) 

The sandwich arrived (all over my face).

It was much smaller that expected (more sex jokes now). Even with its small stature, it was inviting (sex jokes). It was a surprising mouthful (sex jokes). The chicken breasts are much more dense than bread and then with the added bacon sauce and cheese party it was a little difficult to eat. What I noticed most was the salt. It was a salt bomb on the remote un-warring island of my taste buds. The cheese was OK and the sauce was exciting!! Sauce and cheese, but the sandwich didn't thrill me.

Because I forgot one thing.

I hate chicken.

Really, chicken is to food as platinum blond is to a life-changing makeover. Easy and boring.

I wanted to like the sandwich. I wanted it to be made of ground chicken patties, not chicken breasts. Chicken patties would be more like bread, easier to bite into and not as boring. I really wanted to like the sandwich, I wanted it to become a secret vice of mine (I haven't had a secret vice since the beginning of my first semester of college when I would drive around the streets of Dubuque alone eating dinner from fast food restaurants in my car, yeah, freshman fifteen hello, you're the first person I've told this to, so Internet, I obviously love you.)


Simple bean shot!

I ate the beans, I wasn't hungry, I ate the beans to help push the salt, chicken boob attack in to new territory. They were kind of boring too. The container the beans came in said reusable on the top. I thought that was weird.

So I had eaten the sandwich. I don't regret it, not do I rush to repeat it. Stupid sandwich, dashed hopes.

I hate you sandwich.

But I still wanted to love you...

Juicy Lucy with an "i"

I finally had a Juicy Lucy.

What you ask?

A Juicy Lucy.

Sounds explict, you say.

I am not embarrassed to admit it because it is indeed not an awkward new sexual trend that no-one really knows how to do and no-one enjoys (you know what I am talking about, rip-finger throat pelvis cresting aka The Brunt Ramen.)

A Juicy Lucy, if you are not familiar (stupid tourists) is a burger with cheese inside the the meat of the burger, I know, cheese INSIDE, the burger. Not really that groundbreaking, but people make a big deal about it.

So today I ate one. Obviously I was at the 5-8 Club in Minneapolis not Matt's Bar because I spelled Juicy Lucy with an "i." (Chill out Matt's Bar, I will go to you and eat your burger.) At Matt's Bar they spell it Jucy Lucy with no 'i', I guess they're dumber over there (I am not saying the burgers are less stellar, just that the intelligence of the folk may be stupid. Cool it.) There is some kind of weak rivalry or something there, but seriously, cheese inside a burger, that is what it is. Guess what? There is pudding inside donuts.


But first, we decided to get onion straws to set the mood. Little did we know we would be getting.......

The Mountain of 8,000 Onion Straws! (Evil laughter!)

Too much onion, too much salt, the basket was like the Harry Potter Sorting Hat, we just kept putting it in our mouths. But also like the Sorting Hat, it could not be defeated.









Then, like any good date or properly contracted whore,  Juicy Lucy came.

   There I am,  half way through, it was just like a regular cheeseburger, except cheese INSIDE the meat.

I look like a proud 6 year old, holding a frog I found in the driveway. A frog I found in the driveway and was eating when my mom showed up to take a picture.


I am drinking water. And I have french fries and coleslaw.

I am also looking awkward because we sort of new the people sitting behind us and I am felt a little weird knowing that they could see me and I knew that his wife had an inverted nipple.

Here is Naomi! Also looking like a proud small child displaying her find!

Naomi does not have french fries and coleslaw. She can have some of mine.

So with the mountain of onions, giant burgers, fries and coleslaw, we had a hard time completing our lunches.

That is the sad remains of Naomi's burger.

I ate my burger, good for me, my blood threw me a party about it.

But the onion straws, oh the onion straws, they were boxed up and sent home to Ryan.





One word.


Magic.

Culture of Eating Things: CRAVE

I went to CRAVE for the first time last night. I was really excited and well dressed so of course I ordered the weirdest thing on the menu. I didn't mean too, originally I as excited about the beet salad and other FRESH VIBRANT AMERICAN food but then I saw they had a sushi menu sitting in the middle of the table. I was very please by all the amazing rolls, I couldn't decide what I wanted.  Then I saw it. The Dragon Wraps. Tuna, unagi, avocado something else, something else and something else all wrapped up in an egg omelet wrap.  Egg omelet wrap? I ask myself. That means I must eat it. So I ordered that and spontaneously decided I needed a spider roll as well. I Beautiful and delicious! The Dragon Rolls are the perfect appetizer of part of a sushi-escape like mine, so soft and fresh. The egg omelet was like a crepe without the holes and crunchy edges, but thicker and warmer.  I was impressed with the Spider roll too, I enjoyed the legs of the soft shell crab creeping out of it too.  And the Sweet Peach Tea was good, but gone too soon and the Molten Chocolate lava cake was predictable and regrettable. And the restaurant was really dark. Indoor patios, what do you expect?

The Culture of Eating Things: Burger Jones

Burger Jones, are you going to make it? Your Nutella milkshakes was great! And the S'more milkshake was delightful too, with whole marshmallows! But is that enough? The Hangover Burger was good, I love fried eggs in anything. And egg yolk spilling over a burger is an awesome condiment. The hot sauce seemed to be there for looks. Instead of putting in over the egg, it would be more effective taste-wise directly over the burger. The bun soaks up the hot sauce making the bottom of the top bun looking like a used feminine product. I did not eat this part of the bun. I can't comment on the bacon I didn't eat it, I only wanted it because it is best friend with the fried egg.  Burgers are good. Is that enough? The Tri-tasting fry tower. Great, really great. I kept eating the parmesan waffle fries well past my stomach fill level. And I always like choosing fancy dipping sauces. The sweet potato fries were good too. But the regular old potato fries were the best! Soft and crunchy, neither salty or bland. I wish I had dived into those first before my belt expanded to it's next belt hole. But the bottomless bowl of homemade pickles. That is where it is at. If this restaurant was called Pickle Jones, it would last for ever. Spicy and sweet with a bite and a melty-ness. Those were the best pickles I have ever eaten. And show me a pickle I haven't gotten my mouth around.  But it is called Burger Jones. And what I question is the atmosphere. A little school cafeteria-like. A brand new cafeteria in a middle school but still cafeteria like. There is few booths and they are low so there isn't a lot of privacy. And when I am shoving a burger into my face I don't want to be distracted by the attractive man sitting behind my mom eating cheese curds alone while reading a book. I could not focus. And how hot is me and my yolk explosion burger and handfuls of parmesan waffle fries? A woman wants to eat giant messy burgers with a little privacy, I cannot worry about being kittenish when I am lioness with a kill.  And Burger Jones I have seen your illustration. I have seen you in your geek glasses. Do your geek glasses have staying power? And it bothers me that you hold that giant double patty burger like a serving plate, would that bottom bun really be stable enough to hold that way? Or do you have a plate under there? And what about that nine foot profile photo of you eating a burger that a diner can't help but stare at since the visibility of the cafeteria landscape is a million miles, if I am not staring at another tables handfuls of fries I am staring and you with your geek glasses and electric cheeseburger.  Burger Jones prove my intuition wrong and have many anniversaries in your open unprotected mess hall. Maybe dimming the lights would work. Or a privacy screen could come out with each burger. But Burger Jones, with your trendy geek glasses, I wonder how will you adapt when everyone starts wearing contacts? Or gets Lasik? Or wears aviators? Or rhinestone cat-eye glasses? Or when EVERYONE wears geek glasses and then you are just a normal guy impossibly holding a giant burger, instead of a hip, cool one? Oh, Burger Jones, what will you do? You can't just get people excited over adult milkshakes forever, some of us are lactose-intolerant.