Yves Klein Blue or Heather Meyer Gold Leaf

Feb 2011: Yves Klein Art Exhibit

Quick review: The art was great. Especially the sponges on sticks. Everything was blue. There were quotes on the wall. I took picture of the quotes. Then a young helpful, underemployed ‘guard’ put the smack down on my photo taking. I pointed out I was taking photos of the vinyl quotes on the wall, not trying to steal the art's soul. I know those are not the art. And it’s not like I am going to steal the quotes and claim them as my own. The quotes have the sayer of the quote right on them. That is what makes them a quote.

Here's the first quote.

The stern sixth grader didn’t by my story, nor thought I was the least bit amusing. I bet if I had farted he would have laughed. Who wouldn’t? So I stopped taking photos. I wanted to take some secret photos just to be brave, but I am too much of a square.

(Some galleries at the photography is allowed, just not at the Yves Klein exhibit, this information is useless since the exhibit closed on Feb 14, unless you have a time machine. If you did have a time machine you probably would screw up and go to a time without camera phones so it wouldn’t matter anyway.)

But I did get a photo of something other than non-art vinyl wall quotes.

Is this Yves Klein's toolbox?

Yves Klein also liked gold leaf. I have a special kinship with gold leaf. 

Another quote!

“Gold lame, just like basic black” I coined that phrase in college.

Let me tell you about gold leaf. I know about gold leaf. I used to be a really important scenic painter. One of my gigs was at Big Fancy Theatre in St. Louis. It was awesome. I was one of four scenic painters. We had a whole warehouse across the pond from the carpentry shop for our painting needs. The whole production side was a theatrical compound with gardens and snakes and bridges! We did three shows that summer, 1776, Big: the Musical and La Cage Aux Folles. 1776 was grey and brown, Big was BLUE (Yves Klein!) and La Cage was purple and GOLD LEAF (Yves Klein!).

I was assigned to gold leaf a beautiful antique sofa that had been reupholstered by Brooke in the prop shop (across the stream). Brooke had ushered the adorable sofa proudly over the bridge to our warehouse in the back. She showed off her upholstering job and skill at making sure the very limited amount of fabric work perfectly the cover the chair. They had used every bit of that fabric they could find! And it was perfect. She was pleased that they had just enough fabric to upholstery this sofa and the matching chairs, because there was not an ounce of that fabric left on the planet.

I had never gold leafed before, but as a smart woman who knows how to read directions, I knew I could handle it. (And Brooke gave me a tutorial).

I was rocking and rolling the gold leaf. Gold leafing is awesome and glamorous! From drab to fab with a little adhesive and gold foil sheets! I filled every little nook and cranny in the intricately carved frame. I was a master! I shall gold leaf the world. And then I dropped a glob of adhesive on the newly upholstered chair.

Again that is:

I dropped a glob of adhesive on the newly upholstered chair that had been upholstered in the last remnants of that particular fabric on earth.

Yikes!

I tried to wipe the glob of adhesive off that was now drying the fabric to a darkened splotch.

Wiping it off, however, just rubbed it in and collected the dirt from my grimy hands in to the sticky adhesive. Now it was worse. 

What the hell was I going to do? This couch was a big deal. A BIG deal. There isn’t a bigger deal than this couch. This production of La Cage Aux Folles was "pull out all the stops" important. And I had just pooped all over it. Permanent, immovable poop.

Double Yikes!

I didn’t want to tell any of my fellow painters. They didn’t need to know, they couldn't fix it.  And if  id did tell them it would just fuel the “Reasons Why Heather Sucks” list compiled by one member of the team.

Reasons Why Heather Sucks List

1: Heather is a broad strokes kind of girl

2. Heather didn’t like to listen to talk radio all day long

3. Heather thought a paint shop was a paint shop

4. Heather was AMAZING at mixing colors

5. Heather usually had a wet paint spot on her clothes at all times

6. Heather made a lot of jokes.

7. Heather spilled paint on the concrete and then cleaned it up.

8. Heather is a happy positive person

9. Heather didn’t use bamboo (as is the industry standard) to paint drops, she just bent over

So to avoid adding to that list and as an honest person, I had to tell someone.

I had to tell Props, it was their prop that I had ruined.

I had to tell Brooke. She was my friend, roommate and the props master. She always has a solution.

Right?

So I put my brave balls on and called a meeting with Brooke. Brooke was understanding and the only thing she could tell me was to avoid doing it again. She said it was pretty unnoticeable. Which is was. And it was onstage, in a proscenium, in a huge theatre. And in a production this afire, a quarter-sized slightly darkened spot was the least distracting thing on stage. 

Right?

Wrong. So so so so so so so so so wrong. Rumor has it the dark stain was the worst thing to ever happen to theatre. Ever. Theatre was dead, and I had killed it. There was no solution, no throw blanket or pillow could cover it, it was un-cover-up-able. The show was ruined.

Or was it? 

Nah. Nothing can stop a musical. It was an awesome show, with amazing performances and blah, blah, blah achievements all the way around.

Here's the couch in action!

That poor actor had to hold his knee up over the couch the whole show.

So Walker Art Center, let me take photos of the quotes on your walls or I might drip gold leaf adhesive all over you and ruin make you think I ruined your life but in fact improved everything in the world.

Disclaimer: I think I am allowed to public tell this story now because the statute of limitations on scenic painting crimes has expired. And because everything turned out OK.

Legume show you brilliance.

Snack Review with footnotes: Planter’s NUT-rition line of nut mixes.

Yesterday between work and a show, I was looking for a belly filler. Already at Target, I tried to pretend that I am a healthy eater, I searched for snacks in the nut aisle at Target. I made the world's best discovery ever: The Planter's NUT-rition mixes are awesome.

First:

Awesomely sized. Like Goldilocks sized. Not too big, not too small. Good old fashioned medium sized. No doubt that a can of nut mix will fill me.

Second:

Variety! Assorted nuts and seeds and dried fruits! Hooray, many choices for the peanut avoider like me. Most of the mixes didn’t even include the stupid legume*

Third:

There are sorted by health benefits! Like vitamins in the vitamin aisle. One of my favorite things ever! There was the Omega-3 Mix, Digestive Health Mix, Antioxidant Mix, South Beach Diet Mix (which has its own Facebook page ),Energy Mix, Heart Healthy and Bone Health Mix. So many choices! I was stumped. First I wanted the Omega-3 Mix because of the delicious-ness in side and for my recent hobby of thinking about wrinkles. And Bone Health was exciting, I am a woman after all and calcium is good! And it is Women's Health Week (shout-out to Naomi for telling me) And Energy Mix had chocolate covered things in them!

The labels on the NUT-rition mixes look like vitamin labels. Or at least they do to me. This is brilliant marketing. Selling what you already have: nuts, by giving people what they want: health. So simple. So genius.

I applaud the strategy and the product. Because, I am sure other nut mixes achieve some of these same goals, but the Planter’s mixes tell me upfront and I get to choose what type of nutrition. It gives me some power of choice but not too much.  Since there are only seven mixes not a hundred from which to choose. Nice work Planter’s, someone should get a raise. And the mix is delicious.

I chose the Digestive Health Mix because fiber always wins me over. And there were pistachios (smishsmachios) in it.

From the Planter’s website:

Digestive Health Mix

This succulent blend of pistachios, almonds, tart cranberries, crunchy granola clusters and sweet cherries is an excellent source of dietary fiber, which helps promote digestive health.

• 150 calories
• 8g total fat (1g saturated fat, 0g trans fat, 2g polyunsaturated fat, 5g monounsaturated fat)
• Low saturated fat
• Low sodium (40mg per serving)

Excellent source of the following:

• Dietary Fiber

Good source of the following:

• Vitamin E
• Copper
• Magnesium
• Manganese

Each serving (8 in each can) was 20% of my daily dietary fiber in take. 20%! That beats FiberOne bars (unless you eat them by the box like I do)! I was sold.

I ended up eating over half the can in the car. That is around 5 servings. Let’s do the math. 5 x 20 + 100% I achieve maximum fiber load by eating these awesome nuts. But the thing was I was eating in the car because I was on my way to an improv show in a far away superb. And there was no stopping. I hoped that the fiber would be slow going and I wouldn’t feel the full effects of the NUT-rition Digestive Health mix until after the show.

And hoping usually works, right? It did, there was no explosion other that the improvised ones.

I love the Planter’s NUT-rition mixes! I want to try them all, however, the Digestive Health Mix is so awesome that it will be hard to not just keep buying that one.****

*I love all legumes. They are my favorite food group and a staple of my yearly month-long celebration of Fiberuary. But regular old peanuts are so boring. Unless they are salted in shells. Then that is an activity snack** Put them in a butter or a spicy noodle dish, then we can talk.***

**Shelled peanuts and hard boiled eggs are an exception to the “too much work to eat” rule. Non-exceptions are crab legs, crawfish,

***My opinion only, you can go ahead and love up on peanuts all you want. Noting against peanuts, I know peanuts are a big part of Planter’s identity. I should know I was Liz in the Book of Liz by the Talent Family: Amy and David Sedaris and there’s a giant Mr. Peanut in that play. So don’t get all angry OK?

****Constructive Feedback: There are too many dried cranberries in the mix ratio. 

Newest hobby

I've recently taken up hooping. And by "recently", I mean Jan 1, 2011. And by 'taken up" I mean sometimes I do it. And by "hooping" I mean hula-hoops.

Hooping is a thing. In five years, it will be like sparkle vampires are now. A little tired but totally accepted. (Please forgive me for the totally tired but accepted joke about sparkle vampires).

There is a documentary either in the making, soon to be released or already in Netflix queues call The Hooping Life. I haven't seen it, obviously, or I would know if it was in production/in theatres/or in queues. I've only gone so far as to "Like" it on Facebook.

Hooping is non-competitive. Which is why I only do it sometimes. I have two hoops. My first hoop is green and orange (my most favorite colors) actually; they are more like GREEN and ORANGE! It is super bright and it is collapsible. It was HUGE because I am new but I cut it down with a tool because I am a DIY-er like that.

My friend Laura introduced me to hooping. Here is her blog www.adventuresinhooping.com. She writes another blog I love so much at www.theyogachicken.com . Yesterday I gave her another chicken. From North Dakota. It was really flat (both the chicken and the state).

Remember when I said I was a DIY-er? Hooping is all about DIY. You don't buy a hoop; you make one (or have one made and buy it from them). That is what real hoopers do. Well, my friend Naomi and I have a plan to make hoops. We are armed with YouTube tutorials and enthusiasm. And a bunch of colored gaff tape.

My other hoop! I didn't tell you about it. It is my Ab blaster it is bigger and weighted. I love it the most because I feel like it is doing work while I am having fun. (As opposed to just having fun, sometimes I am too efficient).

Hooping. The other hip thing to do (That is a good pun because of hip like cool, and hip like hippie and hip as in the part of your body).

Self photo montage. Heather-tage!

Photographer Cadence Cornelius took these photos of me. I am impressed. 

Your Responsibility for Sex Failure in the MN Fringe Festival!

I am creating a fringe show. Mark your calendars now for Aug 4-14. It is going to be amazing. Seriously, I am so excited for this show that I can't control it. I get sweaty excited about it. Which is better than sweaty nervous. Maybe it is a little sweaty nervous. But mainly excited nervous because look:

Yeah, that is real. That is so real. That is so real that I get sweaty excited about it. This magazine is the show. Or a part of the show, we have like 30 of the magazines. So much raw material that we are going to melt faces so off that they will reform and look like regular faces again, only awesome-er. Your Responsibility for Sex Failure (playing at the Minneapolis Theatre Garage Aug 4-14), is a hilarious romp through the melodramatic articles of a 1960's women's magazine, including the print ad and letters to the editor. It is going to be so great. Stay tuned in the next few weeks for more news! But I will leave you with this:

Update.

I updated my website this morning. I think it is OK. Good thing I am not trying to sell myself as a web-designer, but it doesn't totally suck (if I wasn't lazy I would insert a totally sucking website link in here).

I thought I should update my blog as well, since I directed traffic from my website to here on my "About Me" page.

Damn it, people are going to think I am about piano cats and internet memes.

But that piano cat is adorable, even the coldest hearts agree.

reminder

This link is awesome. I know it is the *hot* Facebook embed of the moment (or more like of last week) but I wanted to link it on here so I could find it in the future. Because you are my organizer of piano cats and inspirational other blogs.