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Check it out! Unearthed from forgotten depths of the internets, Go Blog Go, my first blog has been located and re-mastered with dolby digital! Check out me from 2006ish!

Word

Concourse B, Gate B10

I am 28 years old and I packed a suitcase full of dirty laundry for Thanksgiving and that is not a smart metaphor. I have four chapsticks in my plastic 1-quart bag of 3 oz containers with one lip-gloss, a full sized deodorant and mouth sore pain reliever gel. Looks like I am anticipating a post-turkey tryptophan-laced mass-makeout session with questionable oral health participants.

I packed a toothbrush. It didn't fit in the 1-quart bag I picked up in the security checkpoint line. I know it isn't liquid and didn't need to be screen separately but its friends were in there, you know, the mouth sore gel and the horde of lip applicants. I put the toothbrush on the bottom of my purse. Figured that would be cleaner than placing it directly on the conveyer belt through the x-ray machine. What am I supposed to do with all my toiletry accoutrements now that they have to be segregated by viscosity? My glasses, contact case and toothbrush have nowhere to live now that the pastes and ointments have to suffocate in a Ziploc. So they run free. Free as the movie stubs from The Dark Knight that haunt the corners of my purse. I suppose they could go in a case. A case for the contact case. A case for the eyeglasses. A case for the toothbrush. Too many cases. Toothbrushes are always gross anyway. If it looks dirty later, I guess I'll throw
it away.

The girl in front of me in the security line has a brand new American Girl Doll, looks like Christmas came early. I know it's new because the doll hair is still braided in the oft-imitated never-replicated sleekness of a factory fresh $90 credit charge. She got the Swedish one. Kjersten or something, there is a "J" in the name, a silent "J."

Four moving sidewalks, two escalators and a tram ride to my concourse. Concourse B is hidden out back, that's where they keep the tiny planes. Secret tiny planes. I bet we will be stealth in our arrival to ND. Invisible even. In our tiny plane. Tiny secret plane.

Lasik Eye Surgery: My Gateway to a Boob Job?

I am getting a complimentary eye exam to determine if I am I good candidate for Lasik eye surgery. I think anyone willing to shell out the dollars is a good candidate, which is why part of the exam can include a financing consultation.
The clinic offered to perform the surgery right after my appointment tomorrow. I am not quite that ready yet. I just want to see if it is possible, because if it isn't, case closed. So, I am going in. When I called to make my appointment, the woman on the phone set me up and asked a bunch of questions, like "how long have you been considering Lasik." And I answered, "Since Thursday." She laughed until she realized I was serious.

I never seriously considered Lasik until Thursday. I just decided to check it out. If I had the surgery, I won't have so many contact issues, won't blink on camera so much or have to buy more cheap glasses from Hong Kong (which I might miss if Lasik makes my vision perfect).

But my real concern is about is Lasik going to be my gateway to a boob job? I can pretend all I want that I am interested in Lasik is because my eyes get infected sometimes with my contacts or something like that, but really I dig the convenience and the simplification. So why not a boob job? That would add to my convenience, but not necessarily to any simplification. And surgery sucks, in any form.

I just want to keep the globes out of my shirt.

Olympics: Why am I not wearing Gold Medals?

What can I take up at the ripe age of 27?

I think rowing or picking up seashells. I like beaches, weather is never too hot for me, I like oceans, I have no problem leaning down and becoming upright again, sand between my toes is cool and I can totally walk with my head down for long periods of time if needed.

Looks like I probably have to become an Olympic beachcomber.

I've already mastered walking in Earth shoes with Kalso Negative Heel Technology, which mimics walking in stand and thusly encourages the body into a more natural and healthy posture. I figure I can wear my Earth shoes to cross train in the winter. I will wear the Earth shoes in the snow and increase the effect. Then walking in sand will be like floating.

I can practice picking up seashells by picking up lost change on the street or sidewalk. This extra dough will finance my training program and help fund my beach combing uniform, unless the country pays for that. I'm not sure on all the logistics of being on an Olympic team just yet.

Yes, I am aware that Beachcombing is a difficult sport to break into, especially with all those island nations out there. I will use that to my advantage, I spend most of my year buried in snow with is just as difficult to walk in and has that annoying squeaking crunching sound, so when I show up all pasty white on the Olympic beach the other Olympians will under-estimate me, but I will find all the seashells! Take that other nations! The USA Beachcombing team of 2012 is going take home the gold!

2008: The Year I plus an Amazing Acting Tip

Fainted. For real. I fainted. 

I never figured myself as the type with 'the vapors' but proved myself wrong. I was in rehearsal, ready for my 'kill the baby' line and felt so very tired. I remember thinking 'I will just bend my knees a little' then a black curtain showed up and I was having a great dream about the show until I was woken up and pissed off that I was in a gymnasium not my bed. I thought, 'why are all these people in my bedroom?', then I thought, 'Oh, it's Saturday at 7:30, I am in rehearsal, how am I on the floor, my teeth hurt.' I guess everyone thought I was 'acting' when I face planted in to the floor but when I missed my line they realized I wasn't that good of an actor. Paramedics were called, fainting the diagnosis. Now I am hyper aware of myself. Any feeling of tiredness I am concerned my knees might go out again, which wouldn't be too bad since the dream was really nice. 

I understand why people faint for fake now or feel faint for fake. (Warning Amazing Acting Tip) What a great way to get attention, out of whatever you were doing and an excuse for almost anything! And for actors, fake feeling faint or fake fainting provides an excellent opportunity to test one's skill at acting physical distress without needing actual symptoms. During your exercise in fake fainting you can gauge your success at acting by how much attention you are receiving from those around you. The more concern=The better the acting!

Happy Acting!

Current Nostalgia: Reading Out Loud

Paragraph Reader!

Learning by reading paragraphs. I guess it works. Not for learning but for counting. IN elementary school to achieve the double whammy of practicing reading aloud and absorbing whatever new information we were learning at the time. The teachers would have us all open our books to the same pages and go around the room each reading a paragraph at a time. I don't know about anyone else but I would always count ahead to what paragraph I would be reading to see how long it was and if there were any words I didn't know in it. If there were words I didn't know the I would scan the previous paragraphs to see if the word appeared earlier and then wait for whoever was reading that paragraph to pronounce or mispronounce the word to save face when I had to read it. If the word appeared for the first time in my paragraph I would then fret and explore the ways to say it, sounding it out, guessing what it rhymed with or practicing my "I don't care if I say it wrong, you try to get it right inflection". The pre-counting of paragraphs didn't always work. Sometimes paragraphs are only one or two sentences long and then I didn't know if the reader would read the super short paragraph only or read the next one as well. Sometimes the teacher wanted the student to read more than the short paragraph. This always messed up the count. I then would have to prepare myself for reading any number of paragraphs, not knowing how the super short paragraphs would be treated. Another wrench in this plan is not knowing the direction the student to student reading will go, up and down rows, across tables, in a circle, I never knew so I had to determine the pattern of reading first, or guess it. I don't remember actually learning anything from the out loud reading other than how to strategize my potential paragraph.

Once I got to high school, I thought that panic was over.

And yet, this is how I am trained in my pretend job. If I am not being read to from a text heavy PowerPoint slide, I am reading aloud paragraph by paragraph in a group of adults. Doing the same things of course, counting ahead to see what paragraph will be for me to be able to prepare myself and impress everyone with my reading out loud skills.

Good thing I can pronounce more words now.